Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
