maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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