MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
