The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
only you would photoshop your dick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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