I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
