dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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