I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
