ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You are the jesus of drinking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
