she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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