Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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