plz talk dirty to me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
