i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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