While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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