The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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