it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
