I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
