You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
