I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
