Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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