butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
