Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
