I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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