She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
