Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
