Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
