There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drake has all the answers
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
