so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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