I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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