I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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