1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
