Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
