my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
