He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
