I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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