He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
