i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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