I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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