What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
