shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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