K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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