I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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