if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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