I faked an abortion last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
