My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
