I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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