Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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