Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
