I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
my poor anus
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
