I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
