i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
