Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
