Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
