Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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