omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
