I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
