I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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