We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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