is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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