Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
