Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
