from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
