weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
