I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
