no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
