so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
