even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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