I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
