I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize