I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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