yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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