A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night I used snow as a chaser
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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