i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
