I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
