im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i think im in europe. pls send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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